Texts  Man ‘I still have a secret I want to share.’It's not really small and it's not really mine.But I'm not allowed to tell anyone. So, just to myself.My best friend told me his secret... and now it's my secret too.It's annoying to have secrets that aren't even your own. It's like a gift you have to keep without knowing what's inside. That feeling.If it's a good secret, like becoming a father, then that secret feels good. Like a warm, brooding ball beneath your ribs. Every now and then it spits its warmth into your veins, making you tingle all over your body. You become excited. You are also expecting.You can't tell anyone... and that secret lives in your body like a beast nesting in your gut. It keeps you occupied.Because his secret will also become a bit of your secret.Would he actually be happy if he became a father? And can I then assume that his wife would become a mother? It doesn't matter. If only that were the secret. His secret is about something else. It's not a warm secret. Not a secret that gives you a full feeling. It's one of those secrets that drains you, that drinks the warm blood from your veins. It makes you pale. It leaves you feeling cold and empty when it settles in under your skull. Like a creeping thought, it sits there in your head. You can't get rid of it. You can only tell it to yourself. It's a secret. My friend is sick. Maybe incurably. He still has to undergo some tests. Until then, no one should worry. Nobody is allowed to know, except me.Why? Because I am his friend. I can't do anything for him. Only keep his secret.But am I doing that right? Is there another reason why he only spoke to me? Is there anything else I can do for him?Hopefully, it's not as bad as we think. We have to wait.Waiting with a mean beast in our belly that gnaws. Anyone who sees it gets bitten. A poisonous bite... cold blood...That's why we're keeping it quiet.Still.Still.Hush. No soundonly the buzzing in my head.A continuous humTo drive one crazy.  Woman Tuesday morning I was at the market, buying olives.I don't know what to think of it, but... there was a strange atmosphere between me and that olive seller.When we looked at each other, it seemed as if we knew each other, as if we had stories about each other.He offered me an olive to taste, looked at me intently, placed the green olive against his mouth, and sucked it in. A drop of oil shimmered on his lips. With the tip of his tongue, he rolled it around in his mouth.Dimples appeared in his cheeks.Smiling, he gave me another olive, pressed it against my mouth. I sucked it in, curled my lips as if I were applying lipstick, and smiled back with a glistening mouth.This image has been stuck in my head for a week.What should I do with it?Will I see him again? I'd rather not.Should I tell my husband? Rather not.He can never grasp the moment.My friends will see things that aren't there.I'll keep it as a little secret, a little movie, a little moment for myself. You know, I love my husband.But is he the only one I was waiting for?No, he has become that.Is he my desire, my dream?He is my reality. He is the reality I longed for and dreamed of.It's grown like that, we've built on it.On the one hand, it's magical; on the other hand, it's as normal as a roof over our heads.I couldn't imagine a life without him. A life without him would be a different life. Only in my dreams do my fantasies dare to run wild.Last night I fell asleep on the couch in the garden. The ebbing sun on my face.I stood naked on the bank of the canal. My head pointed upwards. Soaking in the warmth of the sun. In front of me, gray clouds piled up. Crickets sang merrily. A light breeze picked up, caressing my body.I stood stock-still, my face turned upwards. In the distance, clouds cracked with heavy thunder. The light grew darker, I kept my eyes closed.The wind embraced my body, caressed me, played with me. Ever harder, ever more intensely.Thor, the god of thunder, played me.My hair blew back. Gusts of wind.The first raindrops playfully hit my body, tickling me. But not for long. Soon, the downpour came down in sheets.I was massaged.When I opened my eyes, I was lying on the floor. Yes, I saw him back;Shapes, movements I hadn't forgotten.Coincidence,No. I don't think so.Moving like a shadow on the square.Only when I saw his laughI was sure it was him.We had a drink.No, I did not look in his eyes.Not again. It feels like I've been longing for something for years, which is finally coming through now. It feels like I've never had the space. I've found the way. Brand new, full of anxieties. But confident nonetheless. I've set out into a world that, until recently, only existed within. His words felt soft.but were filled with a poisonturning my dreams into lies.Lies that easily sprouted in my mind. Is beauty a gift?No,An anesthetic, I think.  Little boy Actually, I'm very happy today. And do you know why? Because it was a quiet day today. We didn't tease any girls. A new girl has arrived. Her name is Magali. I like her. I'll tell you something else. As always, everyone was doing their own thing today. Suddenly Pieter shouted: “Look, a little bird there.” Everyone stood in a circle. Magali was there too. That little bird couldn't fly because it was a young bird. Roel tried to grab the bird and put it on the grass. Everyone ran after it. Roel and Pieter said that everyone had to leave and that they should leave the little bird alone in peace.The little bird calmly hopped away. Do you know what else was fun? A few days ago, we went to the market. There was a stall with real catapults. Pieter and I got one from mom. Now we can shoot paper wads at cans. We also got free olives at the olive stand.Really nice. Pieter has a dog named Geisha. Nice name, right. We threw a big long stick into the water and sure enough, Geisha brought it back out.I hope we go for many more walks with the dog. Pieter and I, we've been wondering about certain things today.For example, if I say; this is green and Pieter also says that, does he actually see green or does he see, for instance, red and calls it green because he learned it like that and because he always called it green. Do you understand?Do we all see the same colors, or do we see different colors but give them names so that we think we're seeing the same thing?.I think Pieter might see things in a completely different way, and yet we're saying the same thing. We also talked about molecules.Atoms that orbit a nucleus, like planets around the sun.We were wondering if there aren't beings living on atoms that we can't see because they are so small. Because, we think, atoms look like planets under the microscope.And perhaps the Earth is also an atom, but a very large one, and the sun is our nucleus. Perhaps our solar system is a tiny speck of, for example, a giant toothbrush.And if the greatest is equal to the smallest, then it never stops. Then it is infinite, says dad. Pieter and I went on an expedition. That was really cool.We asked many people. Everyone thought we were asking difficult questions. Only Ben enjoyed it. He said we would become good philosophers.He also asked us a difficult question.He asked if we can only be or can only become.We didn't understand the question very well. But Pieter and I think both are possible. For example, you can be a pilot, and you can become a pilot. But what happens when you're dead. Does it stop or not?You can no longer be or become a pilot.Then you're dead and become an angel. I hope I see Magali again tomorrow. Then I can ask her too. I don't think she'll find that a stupid question. Tomorrow I can bring some friends home with me. I am organizing a party. My friends have already received a homemade invitation from me.We can bring soda and chips to the play attic and play music. That will be cool. Maybe we'll dance to the music.Annie the cleaning lady is here today. That's nice because then everything will be clean when my friends come over. I think I'll let them see my bedroom too.